Still rotting at home, lazy to take out my love related de story book out to read.. and also lazy do the DIY stuff thing, do le also dont know want give who lo :P Hmm.. rotting rotting and rotting, so decided to help my parents go delivery paper from tml onwards. It's 4.30am in the morning hor..!! and it's EVERYDAY... from monday to sunday de hor!! they really cant anyone to do the work, cause it's just for one month plus the pay is only $180 per month, who will do lor!! i last time be waitress one month can get $1000 pay easily le lo.

So see her find until so hard still cannot find, then i just decided to help lo. BUT i say must have either her or my dad to go with me, cause i dont know how to drive and go there marh!! AND i want a simple pay lo, since it's SO tough everyday SO early wake up.. then my dad keep say i want how much then i go take whatever amount i like lo -_-"" i think most people heard this will be happy, but to be truthful im not!! just dont like.. so i demand and ask my mum decide for him..!! so conclude i get $100 per month for 1 month for it lor, not per week or anything else hor!! so sound reasonable right, everyday so early wake up go help for one month... so $100 sounds to be a logic amount right!!

Think on the bright side, at least i get to excercise and it can act as a reason for me to force myself to excercise marh..!! :P i want to slim down lar..!! this few day never really have proper 3 meals per day, today as usual i only eat 1 big 2 small rice dumplings, one packet "ma sa ji" and erm.. try a bit durians only for the whole day. Hmm.. i guess this is not consider A LOT bar..??
anyway, just hope i can slim down successfully and hope i get become more attractive one day ba. my ideal weight is around 46-48kg :D dont know is i not enough sleep or what, but my eyes a bit pain pain de.. somewhat like sour sour de, aiya dont know how to describe la.

Hmm.. today "hot shot" and " Wu di shan bao mei" next episode will be up in youtube later le ba, planning to watch :D then i also plan in watching the korean drama "snow white" either later, tml or tuesday :D Oh yar, im going to ask my dad teach me how to drive and try to learn at least a bit during this holiday.. so next year i dont need so rush and will be easier to learn and get the driving license. Also told him if he want then this holiday teach me his work de accounting part in the computer de lo, if not later school reopen when i got a lot work and projects le then i dont want learn liao cause i know wont have the time and mood to learn :P

Hmm.. dont know who to call out to play, know le also dont know want to go out do what.. !! -_-"" but i will think and shall not rush it, since holidays still got one month plus.. :P Really wish holiday pass soon la, best if they confiscate the holiday :D now not going to cut my hair or anything, going to gut it probably during october when school going to reopen soon. Then will be putting nail polish, put light make-up for the first day of school ONLY and with the hair being cut then go back to school... :D wanted to try something new only :D haha.. :P also hope that i can REMOVE the braces soon la.. so long le still cannot lor.. -_-"" :P

Anyway hope miracles happen soon.. :D and look forward for that day to come :P

The whole night almost never sleep, think cause is i yesterday drink too much coffee le. Then whole night keep fall asleep a bit then wake then fall asleep a bit and the cycle repeat causing my eyes to be very pain when i wake up, want to sleep then cannot fall asleep.. -_-"" but anyway i went to check those links to my friend's blog, deleted those that is already not available de :P

Just as seen i've added a new playlist, it's all sing by Lai ming wei from xing guang er ban :P Quite nice leh.. :P now dont know what to do, so i just randomly watch movie or dramas that i spot on crunchyroll lor. Cause currently only watching "Hot shot" and " Wu Di Shan Bao Mei", then both is one week only come out 1 episode.. sian lo. Then spot this drama call "Seigi no Mikata", quite nice.. be sure to watch hor.. haha.. :D korean guys are quite handsome de, hehe.. :P

Oh yar, remember that i dream about something during last night.. hmm.. dream of erm.. 2 person bar if im not wrong. Image not very clear also, but i think i know is who barh.. haha..!! weird dream.. -_-"" but anyway i'm BORED and tired.. dont think im having any more meals after i have my lunch but end up still got eat a bit as dinner :P . Just a bit feel like vomiting in the afternoon, but now im ALRIGHT le :D

Just visit my secondary de good friend de blog, and saw a QnA.. not sure if the peini she mention to do the QnA is me or not but anyway i will do it now then find something to do. Will update and post later again after i wake up from sleep :D

01. What are needed to be my boyfriend?
-sweet, at least a bit romantic, sensitive, CARES about ME
-same or older than me, taller than me, normal/good appearance
-MOST IMPORTANTLY is to love me :P

02. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
Japan/taiwan/korea

03. What's your favourit thing to do?
-watch dramas
-chat/webcam with friends :D
-dream :P
-blog/listen to music

04. Do you think money can buy happiness?
of course is NO..!! :D

05. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
For all my friends, family and future family of my own plus me to live healthily and happily :D

06. Do you prefer a kiss or a hug?
BOTH.. :P

07. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Friends and family.

08. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
-Spend some on myself, family and friends
-save for future use and future family
-donate a very small amout out

09. List 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
supposingly im the peini cassandra refering, she is NICE, FRIENDLY and LOYAL :P

10. What makes you happy?
A lot of things can make me happy, too much to be mention.
Simple and small things already can make me happy, im easily to be happy de.. :P

11. If you have a boyfriend, which place(s) would you like him to bring you to?
-Beach
-His house ( to intro me to and let me know his family :P )

12. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
Family of my own, all living happily and healthily :D

13. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
To be able to read others mind.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family and friends, healthy and happiness.

15. Any childhood memories you'll like to re-live?
hmm.. none?? prefer to look forward :P

16. If you have a chance to change your life now, what would you want to change?
Lose weight and look more pretty plus attractive. :P

17. Which cartoon character you like most?
None that i like most, as long it's cute and nice then i like le :P

18. Are you courageous enough to go and tell the person that you like?
Depends on situation and my mood lo, mostly is no barh :P but prefer the guy to be the one who tell me he likes me :P

19. If you could play one instrument, which one would you want to play?
Piano/Guitar/saxophone

20. What are you doing now beside replying to this tag?
Listen to music.

Tagged:
-esther
-valerie
-cassan
-anyone who come to my blog :D

I know my blog cant be copy and paste, but erm.. try typing it out k?? sorry for the inconvenience cause :P i also see my friend's blog and type it out de :P

Today wake up, hmm.. eat curry fish head then continue watch the show "galileo" and some some i found randomly in crunchyroll. :P but then my mum ask me go out with her in the afternoon for a while. End up we very late then come back :P

Went to drop the cheque at the bank, then went to west mall to pay bills and buy some things. Saw boon ling, ernest, ryan they all at the movie theatre there.. too bad cant join them for movie :P hmm.. i wonder they got gf or bf already a not, shall ask them :D ask my mum wait for me downstair while i say hi and chat a bit with them :P i was in a very ugly state sia, i put my hair up with hairband and was very sloppish lor..!! orh yar, i mention to them in wanted to introducing some guys to my this GOOD and NICE friend call esther.. ;P and it happen that two of the girls in there also know esther..!! :D they also say ok, we shall meet out one day in a GROUP and intro guys to her :P SET..!!! was planning to intro either ryan or ernest to esther de, then michelle say intro weili to her.. :P haha.. ok also :P but i think esther prefer ryan or his that friend bar!!?? haha.. :P think she will choose ryan bar..?? cause i personally think he's more better, haha.. cause erm.. he really is better.. somemore got quite some girls like him last time de leh..haha..!! see im such a good friend, want to intro such a good guy to her :D he quite handsome de, mixed blood somemore.. esther must thank me hor :D

Then after that went to buy some other stuff with my mum, something like my COFFEE, DURIAN and toothpaste :P i drank two packet of coffee even though it's so late le, shh.. my mum dont allow me drink at such a late time and some more i drink two cups lor.. haha..!! Then the durian super shiok lor.. too bad only buy one small packet only, cause now is not the durian season then a bit expensive sia :P then immediatly i drink plum vinegar mix with water :D super nice!! i LOVE sour..!!! :D Then while i drinking i continue watch "galileo".

Finally watch finish le, but the conclusion is did the " Yukawa Sensei" also name as the "Galileo" be together with the police inspector as bf and gf?? arh.. was looking forward for the part where they become together as a couple lor, but end up they never say.. then end the show.. -_-""

Hmm.. talking about love and friends, i wonder when will be my time and fate come sia :P hehe.. shall not be obsess about it liao :D :P but anyway.. really really miss all my friends, especially is my secondary and poly friends :P MISS MISS.. :D trying to ask ALL my friends come out and have a meeting plus have fun together :D now waiting for JC and secondary school de holiday to come, then they can meet and go out together and have fun :D

Hmm, today parents make a one day trip to malaysia. So after they went to malaysia, i iron, fold and keep all the clothes. Then i sweep and mop the whole house, clear and clean some parts of the house. Then manage to do all the things before they came back today :P then went to bath, offer incense and watch tv plus update blog and chat with ppl on msn :D

I'm bored, kinda miss many of my friend and school lifes :) Hope time pass SOON.. everyday still the same, pray for the same things again and again, think and miss the same thing AGAIN and again for EVERY minutes every seconds. Haha.. crazy me larh :P wah die lar, now my mind keep appearing that "galileo" le larh.. sad.. i wonder what he is doing and how have he been.

Hmm.. keep thinking im quite ugly lar, dont know why but just think i quite ugly.. :'( sad right.. hmm.. one of my friend say, as long as the person i like think i pretty can le lor. BUT the problem is.. hai.. sad sad le la.. :'( ok nvm.. shall not talk bout it..

Watch the "Xing Guang Er ban" special graduation version, there's a song they sing call "Ren Zhen de nu ren zhui mei li" but i think when both guys and girls are serious, both very attractive. Hmm.. "galileo" mostly always serious in doing things.. thats why he is SO SO SO attractive lar..!! :D Then i kind of love the song that one of them sing, it's call "Wo Yao Wo Men Zai Yi Qi" SUPER nice.. and the song name is what i feel sia.. :P hehe.. :P here's the video for the song..!! MUST listen hor.. very nice de :D



Hope miracles happen soon and look forward to that day. :P

Guess what, i dreamt that i was a guy lar...!!! :'( i dont want lar... it's such a weird dream lor. I want to be a girl !! but i did remember i dream about "erhm erhm" , quite a nice dream.. but if i did not remember wrongly, it's a very very short dream about it. Shall not talk about the dream le :P

Ok, so wake up.. then first thing, ON LAPTOP!! haha.. crazy me!! -_-"" went to another "tanpeini" blog or infact everone's blog to see see, cause im really TOO bored le. Saw that she had a regular guest who tag on her blog.. Oww.. envy envy!! haha.. :P Hmm.. my blog like so dead lar, even if there's anyone who come to my blog then most dont want tag de.. -_-"" haha.. :P

Know what ?? most of the time im really start thinking about
"am i that bad??"
"am i rough??"
"am i ugly??"
"am i fat??"
"is my quality that bad??"
"is my appearance and character both being unacceptable??"

hai.. most of the time just seem to be unable to be confident in myself marh.. but at least i get confident in some minutes or hours in my life lor, last time im like 24 hour everyday think im very very lousy and ugly plus fat de lor..!! haha.. :P

Hmm.. they say want to have a chalet during this holiday, but until now stillno news. Hmm.. maybe perhaps we have a group/ clique chalet instead of the whole class?? whole class very big then difficult to get and ask EVERYONE marh.. :P shall ask them one day about this idea.. :) After thinking about it, actually i got quite somethings to keep me occupied leh.. Dramas, blog, DIY stuff, Books... :P my friend say his class planning to go ice skate lor..!! wah.. ice skate..!! i miss my secondary school friend le lar..!! too bad most of them in JC now is busy having exam, the rest still in secondary school preparing for their O'levels. so shall not disturb them barh :P

So happy my dedication on the radio for EVERYDAY for monday to friday for next week is a SUCEED..!! but it's not a 100% that it will be read out.. :P haha.. anyway shall wait till next week, record it down and make it as a memorial.. :D then i wont dedicate anymore till the day when school reopen soon :D

Wah hungry hungry, just woke up and havent even eat anything.. shall go eat and try not to eat too much :P then back to watch my "Galileo" le.. haha..!! OH YAR..!! i can use this name instead for certain purpose..!! ;P haha.. clever me.. at least this name is not that bad marh .. :D

This few days is SUPER bored at home, there's nothing to do except to stay at home and rot. So just take out some DIY stuff to do :P then think im going to finish reading my love story de books in this holiday :P


Time pass so slow, and it's very tiring to wait for the the day that school reopen, how i wish i can go back to school soon :) Dont know why, you may say i silly, innocent or stupid.. but everynight where im in charge of praying and light the incense and blah blah thing, i tend to pray for a lot of things.. am i being greedy?? The first thing i pray for is "secret", hope health, studies and the person being able to be happy plus find his courage, have faith in itself plus to do things that "secret" want and able to have and get happiness. Then i will pray that me, family and all my friends for health, studies/work, love life and luck. Hmm.. thats why everytime i seem to take quite long to pray, when actually it's suppose to be very very short and fast de. -_-"" but i dont mind anyway :P

Have think through le, wont be disturbing that "secret" anymore.. as long "secret" is happy can le.. understand that this kind of thing cant be force de marh. "If it's yours, it will be yours... if not, even if you do all the things that can be done in this whole world also wont get it. Some things no matter how much you like it, it wont belong to you.. somethings no matter how reluctant you were to let go, it's fated for you to give up." So yar.. shall put this aside in the small corner in the heart, wait silently..


Dont really know what to post anyway, but still want to post.. haha!! life is so short, why keep all the things in the mind and suffer alone leh.. ?? :P so think of anything then i just post lor.. haha..!! oh yar, recently have been watching "Galileo".. it's a show recommended by valerie. AND she say the male actor namely the "Galileo" is a bit similar to "ice", i've watched the show le.. BUT still think "ice" is a billion times in all ways especially appearance better then the "Galileo" lor..!! haha.. :P but the show is indeed quite nice bar.. trying to find more shows and dramas to watch to waste and let time past :P


Misses, looking forward for miracles to happen soon.

Yesterday reach home and keep on sleep, then in the end today 12++pm then i wake up le. My whole body is aching sia, then my hand.. the portion where i hurt yesterday, today become much more pain le la.. was actually plan in going JB today de, then my dad change of plan :P

There's nothing to do lo, miss school life and class. Really hope holiday end as soon as possible..!!

I'm really really bored, suddenly remember and i went msn to add the other tanpeini, who have the same surname, same name, same school, same age and same course de :D Seem to me she's very nice :D she's feel quite close and comfortable to talk to.. maybe cause both of us have the same name and surname?? :P talk a lot, but found out we mostly talk about erm.. "erhm" lo.. -_-"" both of us did say that the girl that he like is very very lucky to be love by him... hai... !! have a great time chatting with her :D know more things through talking with her :P but she had to go work le, so must end conversation le.

Then i really really dont know what to do le, think shall sit at home and sleep again bar :P if not later daydream and think too much then even more worse. Anyway i become more dark after yesterday le lar.. dont want dark dark de la.. girls too dark not nice de. :P trying to slim down nowadays, will aim to slim down b4 school reopen. Then b4 school start me going to put nail polish with annabel.. maybe will put light makeup on the first day of school :P then erm.. yar thats all :D hope i can remove my braces as soon as possible lar.. :P then more nice nice le.. :D want to give ppl nice impression on the first day of school :D haha..!! :P will try not to eat SO MUCH.. i rather dont enjoy the delicious food to slim down, cause i know if not one go excercise with me i sure lazy excercise de, somemore most friends very less go excercis.. :P shall go rest le, cause if not im gonna think too much again le.. :P

Yesterday whole night never sleep..!!! then directly go school play basketball lor..!! End up everyone keep making fun of me and play with me by saying erhm erhm everytime i wanted to aim and throw the ball. Did play and practice quite a lot and im able to play better now, though it's still very lousy.. :P After that we went to AMK to play arcade, then eat DURIAN PANCAKE..!! Then we went home le lo, and i have my dinner at home. It was when i look at myself in the mirror when i reach home that i found out that i had sun burn on my face lor, red red de.. but look quite nice though.. haha !! :P

My whole face feel like burning sia, feel like putting my head into the fridge lor.. :P Very very tired cause whole night plus whole day never sleep, somemore i still go play basketball and reach home only at around 5++pm lor.. both mentally and physically tired la. dont know when will happinness come knock at my door sia.. :P

Now im really not feeling well le, sleep for a while le.. but i feel more sick le. Miss miss "erm" la.. hai.. hope to get "cares" from "erm" just like the last and only time, miss that time though those time i really feel very stress over the projects and even cried. Know im dreaming, know it's impossible that it the "cares" will happen again.. shall and dare not have hopes le. :P shall try not to think too much and go rest le...

Hope miracles come soon, look forward :P

Hehe, as said, today i only wake up at 7pm.. then i eat my dinner :D after that my parents went out to eat le.

The house is simply dirty la (excluding my room) , my mum help my dad work de.. so she rarely sweep and mop the floor de. Then always wait until quite long then throw the clothes into the washing machine to wash, say what like this save water.. -_-"" in the end there's so much clothes to be dry, then ask me fold and iron de. Then i see her tired and the BIG lump of clothes left there in the living room, in the end i always initiate and end up folding, ironing and keep all the clothes ALL BY MYSELF while she help my dad and rest lor.. -_-"" somemore they tend to go out so call "pa tuo" go out eat with only the two of them, sometimes they go watch movie lo. Me and sis dont like to go out de.. :P hehe.. but for me is if there is special circumstances or i feel like going then i go out de :P

So i faster sweep and mob the whole house!!! somemore i mop the whole house 3 times sia.. -_-"" then after that i faster iron all the clothes of the whole family and keep them. Very tired sia, keep sweating... but finally and was able to finish all this before my parents come back :P dont like it if my parents saw me doing all this :P going to rest a bit then go bath and sleep early le.. somemore tml going to wake up early go school excercise. Too bad someone never go la.. hai.. but anyway i think tml will still be fun anyway :P somemore i think esther, me and those who want go will be going somewhere like AMK to eat and play ba :P hehe..

Oh yar, and its not i dont want to post photos.. but i dont have any marh!! somemore my phone very difficult to transfer photos to com de :P so never post any photos.. haha.. :P

Wish wish wish.. that miracles come soon.. :P

Hmm.. just as said, i went out yesterday until 10 plus then reach home. Yesterday was SO HAPPY lo :P very long never only 2-3 ppl go out le leh, it's so happy and nice :P miss all my friends la, especially erhm erhm.

Hai.. ok i know im not good, not clever nor smart, not nice, not polite, not pretty, not thin, not elegant, not gentle, not not not...

that's why i know it's impossible, i know it will not, i know im dreaming, i know im sleeping, i know im crazy, i know im not match, i know im not good enough, i know im fated to be alone/single...

Shall try to have the so call normal thinking from now on, i TRY..!! who knows when i will be back to the crazy thinking, maybe next seconds, minute, hour, day... let's see how long i can maintain normal bar :P think it can only last me a few min lo -_-""
There's so many ppl in this world.. there's so many girls and woman that are single. The most i live my life with study/work, friends, family, dramas, movies, food, sleep and DREAMS lo... why should i look forward to something that's not mine.. ?? Know what..?actually i dont really have a specific on what type of person i like, as long it's inside and out nice, never smoke then good le. The most important is base on the instinct and feel, haha... weird me.. !! :P

Hmm.. yesterday very late then went to sleep, around 4++am bar, and i only just wake up lo which is around 7pm. INCREDIBLE sia.. i yesterday eat dinner, a bit biscuit at 10++pm... then i went to watch shows on internet until 4++am. Then for the whole show i keep crying sia.. :P im so easily touched by shows sia.. -_-"" And from 10++ pm until now is erm.. around 7pm, it's been 21 hours that i never eat ANYTHING AT ALL lo..!! Cool..!! i think no one in my class sleep until so late le lo, i BREAK the record... haha..!! now im still sleepy leh.. -_-"" now a bit giddy and no strength sia.. !! I remember i dream about something.. but forget what i dream le.. haha..!! shall go eat something, rest then back to show's and dreams.. :P

ok just as expected, i havent even finish typing for the new post and im back to crazy thinking le. -_-"" it's sure is short.. wish me lots of luck and may miracles happen soon. :P

FINALLY exam over le..!! sorry for the "LATE" update hor CASSAN...!!! Yesterday went to AMK with esther, valerie and wenjie to have subway. Then esther, valer and me ONLY went to arcade to play the DANCE DANCE thing..!! In the end only left with me and esther play the dance dance thing until SUPER late of around 10 plus pm?? :P reach home at around 11 plus lor..!! Esther and me get A's for the easy songs, and trust me although its term EASY in the machine.. but it's NOT easy de lor..!! Now i play until i broke..!! :P

Today went to bugis with annabel, i went TOO early le... cause she is late. :P I stand down there watch the Hip Hop dancing contest taking place on the stage. It's damn cool de lor.. and trust me there's really quite a lot handsome guys and pretty girls.. and also quite a lot of Ah Moh crowding over there.. :P So wait, wait and wait, she finally come!!! :D glad that she is willing to accompany me go bugis.. Thanks lots!! There's a "Jolly Shandy" campaign over there, so we pay only $1 for a jolly shandy and it let us decorate and design a T-shirt to enter for the contest, note that we are able to keep the T-shirt after they take photos of it.. and plus we get a goodie bag with 3 cans of different flavours of Jolly Shandy. Shall wear the clothes to school some day to let all of you all see our CREATION..!! haha..!!

After that we went straight to the temple over there and we pray with the wooden stick thingey, note that it's completely free of charge de hor :P . Then i went to pray a bit for me, my family, friends, classmate and blah blah with all the lucks in exams and in their life. :P Hmm.. for the wooden stick thingey, i pray one stick on Love and one stick on Studies. For the study not good sia, just that it will not be so easy and will need to put in a lot more affort in studies. Anyway i dont care much about whether i can be very successful in studies and so on de.. since i dont hope to be a career woman :P

What's crazy is, amazingly.. the stick for Love is very obvious lor..!! the minute i get the LOTS paper at there, the content i see is all love love and love lor.. -_-"" even when i pass my mum let her see and without me saying anything she say i pray for love one right..!! Lucky i just tell her i curious and play one, though it's not. :P if not she sure keep asking i got bf a not and ask me not to have one de.. -_-"" So yar, the LOTS is GOOD de lor...!!! :D SUPER happy..!! i ask the god on my love life, then will my wish of blah blah blah come true a not. Then the LOTS i get is GOOD...!!

Here's what was written on the paper..
" A good home where peace and happiness abound. By deeds of merits will they achieve peace. The time is right for marrying. The farm produces a good crop of silk and harvest. A remedy to cure all illness. The day is cool and fine with myraid of flowers blooming. Why do you fret when what you seek will soon be yours?"

See see see..!! it's a good one right!!! :D was VERY HAPPY, but im not totally believing in it.. and i know it will not happen like what it says de. Cause i think im just not the "ice's" cup of tea. Will not think so much about it le :D After that annabel and me went to QQ noodle to eat the claypot noodle, IT'S SUPER TASTY lor..!! too bad esther they all never come sia.. :P will bring and intro them eat next time :D

Then we went to shop at bugis street, we chat a lot while we were shopping. When we walk pass shop that sell only guy's clothes and shirt, then we were like go.. "wah this nice this nice.. Aww... :P " then we keep talking bout erhm erhm le.. :P Then she say that "erm" is a bit beng la, where got lor!! He's VERY GOOD HOR...!!! it's not like he got smoke or what lor..!! There's SO MUCH clothes that's VERY NICE and CHEAP..!! feel like buying but my cabinet is already FULL of clothes until cant finish wearing them le...plus i also want to save money :P just have the feelings of saving money :P then we just hang around bugis junction a bit then we went home le.

Dont know why, just hope holidays past and finish soon. SEE..!! i very weird right.. ppl want holidays to be as long as possible and last longer, for me is the opposite lor.. -_-"" but anyway wish can go back school soon to play, study and see all the classmates :P Anyway, dont know is i crazy or what.. i actually dedicate songs for the class for 5 days in a week, and plus some other days lor.. -_-"" Crazy me lar.. i die le.. -_-"" So thats all for today :P

Just finish eating, :P found the "boys over flowers movie" !!! it's the japanese version of "Liu xing hua yuan", and the movie on the ending part where San Cai marry Dao Min Shi is going to be out on this coming month of 4/9/08, i think im gonna go watch it..!! :D had also add the remix song of all the song in the show. :P

Hmm, i think i must get over and really really give up and not think about it le la... really must kan kai and wake up la..!! :( kan kai kan kai, shall go temple pray with the wooden stick thingey during holidays about erm erm.. hai..!! dont wish to end up going deep and end up like one of my friends who are suffering A LOT..!! Forget FORGET...!!! MOVE ON, MUST MOVE ON la peini !!! dont be stupid, silly and idiotic le la peini !!! Hmm.. think im over reacting le.. -_-"" ok nvm, just shall not think about it and try not to talk about it... !! hope to get some hint from the praying with the wooden thiney..!! :P

shall go rest a while, bath and study real HARD le..!!

Went to sleep at 2am, then 5am wake up continue watch "the vineyard man"... until 8 am then go sleep. Now just wake up only, then just go and put mask :P i look so old larh..!! Hmm.. think after exam im gonna go put nail polish le..!! haha..!! :P AND also i want to go temple to pray with the wooden thingey thing, hehe.. :P hope it come true though.. :P

Hmm.. i was like so EXCITED when i watch the last episode of "the vineyard man" lor..!! the guy run after the girl in the train then they tell each other they love them, after that the guy suddenly grab the girl and kiss !!! such a lovely story in total..!!! the girl in the show so pretty sia, then got two guy like!! how i wish someday i can be as pretty as her.. :P kind of erm.. think of something when i watch that show sia.. -_-"" super lame lor!! hai.. ok nvm, shall not say about it.

Exam going to finish soon!! will miss the class VERY MUCH since for the 1++ month holiday cant see them, Ooo.. how i wish holidays were shorter.. but note i DONT want fail the paper and do the sub paper..!! :P hmm.. shall go wash off my mask, have my meals of erm.. breakfast, dinner and lunch in one now.. :P shall post more later.. :P

Wah.. econs exam finally finish le, now still left the LAST paer.. which is the statistic exam then HOLIDAYS come le. :D Was kind of worry i cant pass.. :'( i really wanted to pass.. Hmm.. today is considered good and a bad day ba.

In the morning get distracted when saw "erm.." in the library -_-"" but not long then that "erm.." went off le. Then was trying to remember everything b4 exam starts, saw "erm.." when they keep hinting me there's someone around when i was FOCUSing in memorising.. then somemore i turn to the back to look at the wall lor when they hint me, then i saw "erm.." only after i turn back lor -_-"" kind of glad.. hehe.. :P Drank a BIG cup of banana milk b4 i went in to the sports hall for exam. It does helps to cool me down, but end up i was eager for toilet after i went in for 15 min.. so was so uncomfortable for 1hour and 50 min!!! then after that i RUN for the exit at the moment they announce we can go. Was listening to the sound from erhm erhm, sound very smoothly... think "erm.." should be quite ok with the paper ba :P but i think i'm gonna have a high chance of failing le.. -_-"" :( dont want leave the class lar...!! i WANT to pass and continue to be in the class and study with all my classmate on all the modules !!! :'(

After that was super bad luck, that "erm.." went off le.. sad right!! :( what's worse is that the sicko is there!!! i quickly grab ahern jie jie ask him stand still infront of me to let me hide, then the sicko is like walking alone to and fro repeatedly infront of us... then he went to the toilet. Of course i faster hurry them to faster move and go out together lo, kind of scared. Was kind of hoping to saw the "bull" somewhere in the school, but too bad never la. Then just go home alone, was very tired, head and neck are very pain too..!!! was thinking about "erm.." on the way home, then somemore was in a daze for the WHOLE journey home..!! think im gonna study tml immediately after i woke up and finish my meals, not sure yet.. if very lazy then will start at a later time :P

Trying hard not to think too much, look forward for miracles to happen... :P

I really dont have the mood to study :'( i scared i fail lar, i dont want retake nor leave the class!! i want to see them AGAIN !!! Pls pls pls... was so scared that i went to pray a bit infront of the "pai" of my ancestors and the statue of the gods in my home. Was actually so silly to use my own creation of method, using throwing of the 2 coins to "ask" on something.. ;P but i guess some of the people will know what i ask for :P i throw 5 times then 4 times the coin show the same picture on both... which means yes to me. :) me very silly hor.. ??!! -_-"" :P then i just so call pray wishing good luck in exam, good health and was happy for their lifes for each of my family, me myself, the "lonely" and all my friends.


Was worried.. but was lazy at the same time. I'm weird man.. :P think now i will go STUDY le, and hope i can focus and DONT keep go into a daze and keep thinking about other things la..!! crazy me..!! i think i tonight AGAIN wont be sleeping much le, maybe just 3 hour then i will study study and study... then go school early to study, at least i wont have the chance to go lie on my bed to begin falling asleep AGAIN!!! hope i can be as slim as my sis sia, she is so slim lor... me and her opposite sia. She slimer and more pretty then me, but she is born with sensitive skin, and blah blah.. -_-"" then she also di kang li very ruo.. me is very healthy but i think im shui zhong lor, thats what my mum say about me..!! and im not pretty :'( hai.. is it a fault to be not pretty?? i really hope one day i can become very pretty lah.. :(


This will be the last time i post today, tml then i post le :P looking forward to THAT day... where miracles happen :P

Just as seen, im still down here doing nothing.. -_-"" no time no time, but really lazy to study lar...!!! had added a new song, "wo zhi dao wo bian piao liang le" to my blog... cant find a better quality one, so temporary use this... :P

Was also addicted to dedication on radio, this sat got 2 , next monday and tuesday had also dedicate le. Think i will dedicate on next wed, thur, fri and so on.. muahaha..!! see how's my mood first bar, maybe i wont dedicate anymore... haha..!! :P

Anyway, i think im a bit arg arg arg by someone le larh!!! Faint* there's too many version of it le, i just cant figure which is which le.. CRAZY lar.. !!! :@ crazy crazy crazy la!!! keep on have a urge to look during exam, but if i really do that i sure die cause the cher might think i trying to cheat -_-"" but its a bit distracting de larh!! ARG..!! anyway will try to FOCUS on the paper.. :P ok now will try to temporary not think about it, tml after exam then think :P

Think im gonna go rest 15 min, bath then start study le.. if not no time le. :( i wonder what i should wear tml sia.. hmm, that the white one, sleeveless.. or some other thing?? :P blur blur.. too much clothes le lar, now my cabinet all very full.. somemore got another pile of clothes that my mum and cousin give me on the bucket and floor. Trying to at least wear one time for the pile of clothes :P haha.. shall leave it for tml to decide, think im gonna go early to study AGAIN..!! :P

It's so quiet in the night and im tired. Just a while ago have gastric pain, after eat a bread and hot water now is better le. Think i eat too less for today le barh, at 11am eat one bread plus milo, lunch is one banana milk, night is sandwich and some soup and vege.

Was waiting and HOPING to find someone to play webcam with me , was also clarify on some doubts.. but then the person PLAY with me by give me a puzzle to solve!! Arg..!! for example is to say, you think is like that then is like that, if not then is not lo... what lor!! im not god larh, how i know is or is not lor!!! then somemore keep saying the same OLD word, now i know how my clique feel when i keep "hai.." le.. somemore now i tired and have gastric pain, then in this situation i even more feel like vomit blood and bang wall lar!!! I ask is the person there a not then the response is a "ya" then will KEEP SILENCE for the rest of the period le.. at least going away from com must say marh !!! wah this person a bit like one of my friend when i first met the friend lor..!! what's the difference is that you never know if the person that are talking to you with the msn account is the owner of this msn account, somemore this person change attitude very very fast de lo.. multi character.. -_-"" somemore in the end just "gtg bye" then immediately disappear..!! -_-"" hai.. DONT CARE LA...!!

Havent study, and i think later i will wake up at a very late time such as 12pm or even more later. Think i will not have enough time to study le larh !!! :( anyway will try to. Have a instinct on something, something that is not good, something that will happen, hope that what i think will not happen and is not happening. ARH...!!! TRYING to forget and not think about it, dont come into my brain lar!! What the hell lar..!!! :@

Sleeping time le, waiting for miracles to come. :P

Ok, today finally accounting DOWN and FINISHED le!!! :D cant manage to really finish the paper, in the end i lost 16 marks lor..!! due to the rushing of exam, i become CRAZY after it.. -_-"" shouldn't have lar..!! i promise myself not to be silly again and yet i am lo, i will TRY not to be crazy and silly la..!!! :P

Was moody again, no mood to study... was wondering and thinking bout something for the whole night whole day, every hour every minute every seconds. Anyway, tried to focus anyway.. ask "jie jie" and valer to teach me on acc, until all of us want vomit blood just by going through only on the last two lecture!! ( actually is they want to vomit blood more due to me :P ) Then just only do this two lec we do it for the whole day lor!!! just reach home only.. super tired, dont think i will be sleep much tonight le, going to burn midnight oil !!!

Just cant understand some guys de N.S ( national service ) logic sia, they say what N.S got two year, then if got gf then surely the girl get snatch away. Lame lor.. dont make sense sia.. anyway dont care, haha..!!

Im so giddy and dont feel very well sia, hai.. :P going to listent o radio later one.. ;P HAhahaha.. anyway thats all for today :D

No mood to study sia, heard my dedication on the radio.. but i think im the only one who heard it :P tml and 23 of aug going to listen to it AGAIN..!! haha.. i think im addicted to dedication le.. !! Muahaha..

Anyway.. think i almost for the whole 3 module i dont know whats going on in it sia, then exam le im still down here slacking.. scared sia.. im worried!! :P

trying to find someone to web cam with me, only after web cam then i can get the study mood sia.. weird me lor!! haha..!! anyway tml will be intensive studying le, think i tonight very late then sleep and wake up very early le :P haha..!!

Yesterday night never sleep well, accidentedly fall asleep while waiting for something. -_-"" this morning keep waking up and going back to sleep sia.. then for everytime i wake up i took a glance at the computer screen b4 lie back on the bed to continue sleeping. Yesterday try to find someone to play web cam, have been finding that person to play web cam with me for quite some time le.. but everytime say cannot/dont want, hai.. dont know is really like that or purposely de... anyway i dont care le :D that person want or dont want i also dont care le liao..!!
I can still find a lot other friends to play web cam with me one hor!! :@

Sian.. now i think everytime when there's exam will see the sicko and the "bull" lor. See the sicko i very scared, see the "bull" then i remember of the "fact" and make me think of what happen for all this time and things that happen to my friends, and all this made me kind of sad. Heard from aisha the sicko actually wait outside the hall after he go out, and she say he is waiting for me.. -_-"" SCARY lar.. but anyway maybe she is just playing or thinking too much la. ANYWAY there's nothing i should be scared of lor since i think he wont do anything to me one de la, maybe is i think too much only, even if he do anything i got so much friends around me can help me.. :D and i can also find one of my friends who live near me to take train together. :D just as say in the previous post, he is cutting his hair shorter and shorter lo... i wonder will there be a day he cut until like army style of hairstyle.. haha!! any way if "this (contain certain meaning but i wont say it :P) " is what the "bull" wants then so be it, there's nth i can do le lo.. me dont wanna be siao and super glue lor !!!

Wake up at 1pm to eat, eat a lot of thing sia.. until im SUPER FULL!!! then like that no mood and unable to study le lor. When i come back to the com was glad that someone did talk to me, but cant continue talk cause that person offline le.. did try finding lee ching chat, but she busy marh.. so wont disturb le lo. Seem to me im the only one slacking -_-""

dont know most of the lesson in the modules, worried and scared A LOT in failing and repeating the module but at the same time was slacking -_-"" i think i spend TOO much effort in the POM until all my brain cell are dead now sia.. -_-"" Ok so i just search on some pictures and animation to put on my blog since most ppl say my blog all is WORDS only.. haha!! :P found a lot, but not those in my mind that i want to find sia.. find until like hell also cant find the one in mind. So nvm lor, just put all this since its also quite nice ba...but the animation one cannot be viewed so i never put :P This are only a small portion of what i had find, shall put one by one for the others in each post :D

Shall go lie down a bit, bath then i chiong my accounting le..!! ARHG .. i dont want retain lar.. i still want see all my classmates de!! :'( MIRACLES pls come... !!! and also hope my dedication will be read out on the radio for tonight and tml night :P just hope "ice" wont heard it can le :P

Today wake up at around 5am to study and prepare to go school to take POM exam, was quite stress and mostly cannot force it into the brain.. but anyway i DID remember very well on the part of Entrepreneur and on the Charismatic leadership ;P now almost forget everything on POM after the exam le, but still can remember the two thing above -_-"" We saw the Sicko guy outside the hall lor, SCARY..!!! then i was like thinking and saying, " why never saw him instead de? :( " then they ask me turn over to my back and i saw "ICE"... haha, quite happy lo!! He cut hair again sia, he seem to be cutting his hair shorter and shorter... but still think he look good :D Saw him after exam at north canteen, then he come in and went OFF le.. never say hi to me but got say hi to esther, AND ESTHER even HIT the side of his hips there lor..!! ARHG... !!! Hai.. forget it, he seem more closer to esther lor.. hai.. :( Hai.. i dont care le la, i think after a few more months, weeks or so then i'm able to be back to normal le :D " For something or someone, no matter how much you like.. it will not belong to you and no matter how reluctant you were to leave.. it is fated for you to give up. " So just let it go smoothly lor, anyway he isn't really that HANDSOME nor GOOD marh.. but it's just that im just attracted to it la -_-""

After that we went to library to study a bit and off we ( xiao cui, esther, valerie, me and bel ) go to AMK to shop and eat. We shop and all of us except valerie, ate SUSHI as our dinner.. and i ATE 5 salmon sushi, one prawn egg or something sushi and one lobster salad sushi. :P SUPER NICE LOR!!! Then we went home.. haha!! we even thinking of go excercise together and have a meal of probably steamboat as a grp on some of the days after exam :P Have a sudden crave for CRAB, chilli crab, black pepper crab, steam crab, crab egg and so on...!! arg... !!

Saw Qihan AGAIN in the bus on the way home!!! we were like laughing a bit lor, keep sawing each other de.. haha..!! He was the TOP and even break the previous record for PSLE for our school lor !! AND for our whole class at primary 6, almost ALL go to a JC lor.. sounds like im quite lousy sia.. -_-"" ask him to add me on msn instead of me adding him, and for the previous primary school classmate.. ask her add me until now still havent add lor.. -_-"" And for definitely he is a bit more good looking then "ICE", BUT "ICE" more charming, cute and attractive :P im just stating the fact pls.. dont think too much!! Then thats all lor, think im gonna start studying only from tml lor... hope that i pass very well for all my modules. Really kind of hope mavis dream of me sia.. haha!!

9:06 PM ~~Peini~~

We (ahern, esther, valerie, ally, annabel and me) went to POM tutorial house yesterday to ask her on POM. Her house was very nice lor!!! AND her DOG is SO CUTE...!!! hehe.. look like someone who i think also cute cute de :P anyway, still think we didn't do nor ask much on POM.. infact we were eating and chatting for the few hours lor.. haha!! The cher treat us PIZZA HUT..!!! Yummy yummy food, on top of it esther and bel eat noodles :D

Then we were sitting down there chatting on our class and us, not surprisingly.. they mention and talk alot on the "ICE" and me, they even ask how he think about him. Hmm.. the cher actually say he's not that bad, haha.. -_-"" i think now a lot teacher knows about this erm.. rumours thing le lor.. -_-"" too bad this is not a fact. Then i ask how she thinks of me, then she say is friendly and sweet.. :P Was waiting for her to say more, but other's continue with other topic le -_-"" so i ask again on how she think of me on my appearance, she say why i ask so and ask me to be confident on myself. Then she continued and she ask me to take off my specs saying that without my specs i look quite pretty, and with light make up i will look more pretty too :P just that with specs i look very serious kind of person :P Before we left her house, i went to the toilet and try on the weighing machine outside the toilet... i was only 52kg on the weighing machine sia..!! SUPER happy!! :D but im still the same old weight on my house de weighing machine sia.. -_-"" aim is to slim down until 47-49kg :P so off we go after playing a while more with her CUTE CUTE dog.. :D

Then we went library a while to chat chat and "study", talk AGAIN on the ICE..!! After a while we went to Long John Silver after ahern went home, to sit and see valerie and esther have their dinner. We played "Truth or Dare" and of course all choose TRUTH lor.. :P and AGAIN and AGAIN talk about "ICE" -_-"" , talking bout him rape by me and blah blah.. on what those dramatic happenings on what might happen and what they might do during the upcoming chalet they hope to have though it will NOT happen de. So after that i went back to bukit batok ALONE for dental appointment for my braces, then go home study and memorise like hell le. :P

Today wear until quite erm.. not so comfortable, the shoulder corner de shirt keep drop then need keep pull -_-"" but i think its quite nice though. Thought they going to school one, but end up they didn't.. if i know this earlier then i would have just wear until very simple le lor..!! but anyway, went to library to study. Did not study and do much as i was talking lor..!! -_-"" hope i can pass the module. But anyway i did do SOMETHING de lor.. not able to do much cause brain A BIT distracted by something :P Stayed until very late then go home.. :P haha... ahern jie jie let me ask question until "she" kind of wanted to vomit blood le.. haha..!! :D now very tired la..

SAD lar.. my mum and all the aunties saw me first sentence and plus keep saying i grow A LOT fatter lar.. i'm being DEMOTIVATED le.. :( somemore i thinking of something now, then was thinking if i slim down then maybe i will look more nicer and pretty?? :P AND also dont wish to get FATTER AND FATTER lar.. !! :'( Ok.. set..!! im gonna excercise and slim down during holidays, and try to motivate my self to eat lesser and SWIM this friday..!! trying to ask as much people as possible to FORCE me excercise and do sports!! "hope by doing this can catch erm erm de attention ba.. hai.. " :(

Oh yar, today talk alot to ahern jie jie.. how i WISH "she" was a girl lor!! he quite open.. so very fun talking de.. haha..!! :D and he also wish i am a guy so i can go him house stay overnight study.. !! Haha.. chat with him on msn ask him force me go excercise, then he say only can force me and go gym together.. then ask me find that HIM to accompany me go swimming. -_-"" i fat fat dont want let him see lar, somemore he sure DONT want de lor even if im willing and is daring enough to ask lthat HIM lor. And plus.. im already more or less can dont think so much about it and not so sad le, though i keep mentioning about it.. :P must congrats me sia.. :D No point keep thinking and sad about it when that person just simply doesn't care about it and already have someone else in mind lor, and pls lor.. beside him i still got a lot ppl who cares about me de hor..!! " but some i rather they dont care so much.. i assume jie jie they all know what and who im referring ba, kinda scared scared sia :P "

Found out that i was VERY VERY sensitive de lor.. ( actually i know it long ago.. haha.. ) :P haha.. i like to think a lot de.. haha.. thats me :D AND pls, i like people to be more frank and straight forward, that kind that can say anything to me one... just SAY anything in the mind.. like that life will be more simple marh :P even though it can be very hurt or anything... being straight forward makes life more simple and nice marh.. so anyone PLS PLS PLS be straight forward and say anthing to me, be it it's dirty, hurting, sad, happy or anything la.. :D thanks very much :D

Someday somehow i will met "the one" , i will have the one that love me where i also love him.. and sometime somewhere i will have it de.. im also not considered very very bad, so why am i so siao?? :P just let it go bar.. :P

10:05 PM ~~Peini~~

I dont know im stress or what, but just not able to remember the content of the module i studied. LAME right.. somemore once mention about some yaya, then i cannot study le.. -_-"" then in the end today went to school do nothing much then went home le lo.

Tml heard cassan going to school la, die... if i saw them i will crazy again and not able to study le. Just hope everything go smoothly lo, said to finish study everything today.. but i havent even finish my POM.. lame lor..!! try to finish today then ask ahern on EVERYTHING that i dont know.. haha.. he's my cher and jie jie.. :D so sad almost all cannot go school tml, left only me and my ahern jie jie .. but anyway, at least still got this ahern jie jie, haha... !!! :D

Thats all for today as i want to bath and study le :P

Wake up very early today to go school, end up waiting for ahern for ONE hour lor :P hehe.. anyway was getting the mood to study le, so happy.. was trying for the past few days to forget temporary and try concentrate on studies. At first it was good, can focus.. but after that let them play until i start to think a lot about it le.. -_-"" Paiseh la, my imagination very good de.. then was trying to force myself to accept the fact that the dream wont come true de, though they are saying all those DREAMS to me. So end up when i look at the lecture notes, to BE TRUTHFUL... i really feel blank and giddy in the head le. Then i had a small break down le lor, cause the images keep coming in while im trying to kick it aside and not think about those Beautiful dreams and wonderland world AND focus in memorising my work. But in the end it's not successful, so just eat, eat and EAT..!! then eat until super full -_-"" cried a bit though.. only ahern saw it, great that he never say anything :P Wanted very much to drink beer, and plan to went home to finish the beer at home... but at second thoughts i wont le, if not i siao siao then cant study even more then i die. -_-""

Was frustrated, which is the truth and which is not?? can you pls tell me.. ?? why is it so contridicting de.. -_-"" ok nvm.. shall TRY TO pack my mind AGAIN, hoping to able to really focus !!! I really REALLY scared cannot finish studying all the stuff lar, i think tonight i will not sleep but just rest for two hours then try to finish POM and Accounting lor, if can i hope to finish econs and statistic by tml :) Heard that he was going to school tml, but really hope i can ignore the fact about this and hope i wont saw him... so as to focus on my work, if not if i keep go crazy then i might have a very very high possibility that i will fail my module le :( dont wish to leave all my friends and classmates lar.. :( Went emoing again, but i think i will be able to get the study mood and study later, shall now have some food as dinner... watch one episode of "Fated to love you" rest 2 hour as sleep then i study whole night until morning, then go school study until siao.. then come back home lor :P thats all for today.. :P

This 2 day have been waking up at a very late time, which is around 2++pm to 3pm. Wake up have lunch then rest a bit is already evening near to night le, end up not doing much things. Trying to focus and not think about that issues, but the images just cant keep coming into my head. :'( Hai.. life is so complicated, I HAD TO FOCUS...!! IF not i will not be able to study and not able to pass my module le la :'( shit lar.. :(

No time le, no time le.. :( i scared scared la, so many things to be done and yet so less time left for me to do all those stuff. I'm worried about it lar, scared im the only one that havent even start on studying lor.. :( JUST HOPE i can focus on my study soon!!! think will go rest now to wait a while for me to not feel so FULL then i study until siao bar, if not very FULL sit down there i will feel like vomiting de.. then even more not able to study de.

Dont know whether i should go for the study group a not, if im alone i think a lot about that thing de, then if i go i scared not able to study and keep playing.. -_-"" i thought i can concentrate and not think about it if i want to, but the fact doesn't seem it to be so. Trying very very hard to forget, trying very hard not to think, trying very hard not to.... everything about it.

This is the forth day not able to had a glance at him secretly.

Though today is national day, a day to be happy and excited.. but i just feel very bored and a bit sad. His msn message changed to being calm le, hai.. still not sure when is his birthday too, only know is in december. Aiya why i keep taking notice and note about him de :'(

Today didn't eat much flour things, only eat ice-cream, spagetti, pancake, fish and meat. :P Some more now still feel like eating again.. -_-"" i WANT food lar.. :P but scared become fat sia.. hehe.. :P

Time past very fast, still havent start study for exam yet.. but will start tml bar :P Last time dedicate the mushy mushy stuff for him on this coming monday, then want to cancel it off also cannot.. -_-"" hai.. then now i dedicate songs for the WHOLE class on 16/8/08 and 17/8/08 to wish all of us luck in the coming exam :D Pls do listen to it on FM Yes 93.3 from 9pm onwards :D

Do you feel more sad when the one you like reject you or when you reject the one that like you?
Both will feel sad, but i still think to be rejected is more sad. :P

What is the last thing/the thing you hope to do most before the day of your death?
Have a warmly hug by all the friends and family, especially the "one".

If for every wish you make come true, you will lose something or someone, will you still hope your wish to come true? Why ?
Nope, cause i will never know what i will lose.. i might be something that's most precious to me and i will regret it if i do lose it.

Do you have a crush now?
Yes.

Do you prefer to like a person silently or in a obvious way?
will be silent then be obvious.

To love someone you love or be love by someone you dont love is more bless , fortunate and happy ?
To love someone that i love.

Do you prefer to be very beautiful but not very smart or very smart but ugly?? (cannot say medium or balance in smart and beautiful !!)
I prefer to be very beautiful but not very smart :P

Does your crush like you back ?
Sad to say no.

How many side of character do you have? Pls name them.
A lot !! crazy, quiet, emo, nomal, not normal, very bold, very timid and so on.. too much to be mention :P

If you heard the phone rang, who is the first person in your mind that you hope it is?
Duh.. the answer is obvious for those who know me well. :P

Do you believe secrets are no longer secrets if more than one person know about it?
Most of the time i do believe, must depend. :P but i guess it will still be a secret if it is known by gf/bf if there is ba.

Do you prefer a guy or a girl to be your best friend?
A guy.. most of my best friend are guy de though i have very less best friend, but dont know why most end up in a weird way -_-"" :P and note, guy and girl think on things and do things quite differently...!! :D

Would you prefer to have a lot of “Very lan tao hua” or to not have any “tao hua”?
Hmm.. prefer to not have any "tao hua" then.

Who is the first one in your mind that you think you can depend and rely on?
Hmm.. my future bf?? haha.. :P -_-""

To reject someone or to give up on someone is more difficult?
to give up and forget someone is more difficult lor!!!

What is the few most memorable and happy time that you have?
Those time when i change from SUPER quiet to someone that at least talk a bit de, those time with my best friend.. my one and only internet friend. :P

Will you be foolish for the one you love?
Yes... !!! i WILL..!!

Those that come to my blog MUST do this QnA..!!
Especially Cassandra, Mavis, Valerie, Esther...

Recently something have in our class, shall not comment on it though. BUT what make me mind and kind of envy her is that, he actually take A LOT of notice about her. He actually DID comment quite a lot on her blog, he actually talk about her.. he actually TALKED!!! :( im SUPER envy her lor.. :( somemore he did not come to school on the last two day of this semester :'( was kind of sour in the heart. hai... somemore something very bad happen to me, which is the note throwing thing. I really hope he can take notice of me, care, show concern to me and the miracles i look forward to to happen though i know its quite impossible. Wanted to give up, but why i still feel this way?? why i still unknowingly feel the emptiness de.. :(

After listening to the experience of one of my friend yesterday, it kind of trigger me to give up. Cause it's kind of same to the situation now, and he say there's a probability that.. im just simply totally not the "ice" cup of tea and "ice" is just finding an excuse to use a kinder way to make me give up and just leave him alone. Thinking about this i feel more kind of sour even more, very very sour... :( trying very hard to say good bye.

Due to all this unlucky thing that happen, i just simply dont have the mood to study lar :( whenever i think about it i feel kind of sad. I just simply dont feel the "an quan gan", just feel very insecure.. being not able to even have a glance of look at him for this few day. hai.. :( but anyway i will try very hard and perhaps tml to start studying very hard bar.. hope for miracle. Hope mavis can dream about me ( cause whatever she dream will come true de :P ), hope all the lousy " tao hua" go away, HOPE all the luck come to me.. :P

After POM tutorial, we wanted to go play basketball. AND on the way.. Wenjie actually throw and hit the ball DIRECTLY at my head from the front !!! i was actually thinking about the "ice" and the fact that it's impossible and wont be able to see le, AND i was going emo plus feel a bit sour sour de liao.. then the basketball hit me trigger me and plus the shock, i cried out..!! :( but after playing the basketball and excercising then i was alright le :D

Today is super unlucky, and the letter passing thing happen AGAIN!!! and it was found out that its from a very very ticko guy. He was like writing " i really love you, pls dont ignore me just like what you do yesterday..!! with a lots of hearts" i SUPER freak out lor!!! then he keep throw the notes to me, somemore our whole grp saw him throwing the notes to me... he was giving a very SADISTIC, MENTAL problem, guilty feaky smile lar..!! SUPER SUPER scary, then esther say he keep looking at us. :'(

I freak out lor!!! then after the lecture we went out... saw him at the vending machine there, then he suddenly walk "normally" towards our side.. then ALL of us run off to find ahern who is infront of us to protect us. ALL of us are scared lar..!! somemore he was aiming me lar..!! -_-"" then i run off with them and i CRIED out, its damn scary la.. :'( the group of us just stand at the shopping arcade there, then he walked past us and went to the mac. We think he heard us saying wanted to go mac in the lecture hall, cause he go in aorund 1-2 min then come out and off le. We even say maybe he is waiting for us to go in, but then when we never go in then he just walk off lor.

Then after that ahern and xiao cui accompany me take train, they drop down at yishun .. i was alone, i was SUPER SUPER scared la.. then ask mavis call me to chat to calm down. Pls lor, if its the " ice" then i will be more then glad to hope it happen... but dont think according to his character he will do that de :D Today wear quite nice to school, was hoping last day for this semester to see him le.. was looking forward very much you know!!! in the end he never come and i end up knowing my clothes was too transparent -_-"" i dont hope to de lor, my parents buy the shirt de and they say is ok de. Too bad " ice" was not there.. hai.. aiya i keep saying to myself not to care bout him and give up but then always cannot control de lor.. :'( but at least im able to suppress all those crazy thoughts before that scary thing happen.

Thanks lots to all of you who are by my side and those who cared for me today when i met such unlucky and scary stuff. :D

Today was super lame, went to school for the 30 min POM lecture only lor!!! PLUS its super unlucky.. someone from the back keep hitting me with bits and pieces of papers !! Then i thought is mavis they all playing with me at first, the paper inside write "i love you".. and the following few pieces also write about the same thing. -_-"" Later found out that was not mavis they all, and i shouted to esther " arh.. die, now 7th month leh... the notes are from ghost la, SCARY..!! " Then the next note inside at the corner was written with "bm0803". -_-"" I was busy copying down the things from the screen and the paper keep hit me lor, irritating lar..!! hit my hand, my back, my leg... then each all was written something like " i love you ; i really love you...."

Think that's either those people are making fun of me due to perhaps hatred towards me or is their aiming skills super lousy, want to aim the pretty girl infront of me but keep not able to hit them. Shit lar..!!! they want to aim then aim properly lor.. somemore those beside me such as esther and lee ching all not even once was hit by the paper lor!! why i so unlucky being hit by so many time up to 5 times in the 15 min..!!! ok nvm about this issues le, if tml happen again then i fed up lor.. if not just let things pass.

Due to the short lesson, i went with esther, esther's friend (wei rong), lee ching and xiao cui to AMK and Orchard to shop :D Was super fun lor.. and plus when we going home, wei rong was willing to sent me to bukit batok after esther asking him to sent me home. So time pass very very fast on the train with a friend to talk to, he also agree with this point lor!! :D and guess what.. he was shorter then me, haha... :P he stayed at yishun ( yishun.. :'( trigger me to remember about the fact about the "ice") and he accompany me to bukit batok then take the mrt back to yishun, SO good right..!! haha.. thanks hor :D

Tml is going to play basketball le, looking forward. Hope tml will be a nice day :D

Yesterday found out at the last minute that a lot of things in the IWT project were done wrongly. In the end stayed up almost the whole night to do, now super sleepy. In the morning, as i saw him, feel kind of "sian" liao.. hai.. cause it reminds me of the fact. BUT just the sight of him can still make me happy and nervous, don't know why but he seems to be always so attractive to me...when he is happy, frustrated, serious, playing, "retarded" and so on.. The idea of my imagination of him caring for me can just make me feel much MORE better, i know i'm thinking too much -_-"" but too bad, who ask me to have such a brain which keep imaginating and day/night dreaming... hai.. :P Hmm.. he seem to be loosing quite a lot of weight, he is becoming more thinner le. :( Hai....

It's so happy to see him, but i think its time i know how to let go of it and not keep waiting le. It will only be a burden to him de, somemore he is very clear and had say more then one time that he like some other girls le. I really dont find the "tui dong li" to continue make a fool of myself and wait le, somemore it's already very long le... if there's a possibility of what i think and wish that to happen, it would've happen long ago. I think it's really the time le, the time for me to let go... the time for me to say good bye. The only thing i can do now is to give him my blessing, wish that he will be able to get what he wanted and hope that he will get his happiness soon silently. Sayonara and all the best..

I believe i will meet my mr right soon in the future, dont know when and dont know how... but just know that some way and some how i will meet the person. Blessing to myself too... :P

Exams coming soon, but today was just too tired and lazy to start studying le... really really need to rest first. Will start studying SOON and will WORK HARD for it.. dont wish to retain or anything, if not i wont be able to see him anymore, will still wish to see him and of course most of the classmates :D

Was blur now, thought the lesson starts at 8am.. but actually is 9am. I'm like a dead person floating and draging around emotionless. Just feel dead...
I'm really not in the mood to study now le, perhaps maybe cause im tired ?? maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but i really need sometime to rest lar.. i need to rest and think more. :(
Planned in wearing a black singlet and a long skirt, but in the end due to the mood i am in now i just anyhow take one t shirt and wear le.

I dont know what to do lar.. hai, in anyway i really do think that im in a more worse situation then her. It's like at least he still like and care about you (it's just the situation dont allows), but for me is totally different mah..!! Feel like finding someone to talk about it, but dont know who to talk to.. dont wish to end up letting so many ppl know. Too bad i've lost a good friend le, he is no longer and he dont allow me to find him chat and be nice de.. -_-"" hai...

Now is currently july according to the chinese calender, and it's now ghost festival. Sometime i really hope i can have a ghost friend, maybe perhaps let me be able to see them?? So that there is something i can rely on and talk to ?? Aren't some of them nice, since they are dead.. they dont need to worry about so much things.

Life is so confusing and complicated, does miracles do exist?? does miracles come?? and no matter what, i seem to know much more christian then buddhism and free thinker. but what ever it is, there's seem to be no reason i should continue to have the slightest believe in it. Things just always get into and happen on what i wish wont happen, and things i hope it happen then it wont happen. Fed up right..!! Think i really dont have the fortune to be love by someone bar, am i really destined to be alone for my whole life?? am i so bad in quality?? :( no one knows, no one in this whole world know about this. Thats why i really hope i can look and predict on the future and the person i'm with though its completely impossible. I dont mind having my lifespan being decrease by a few months or a year or so to know it de.. but even if it is so, i know it is impossible.

"OS"
At the time when you tell me the few sentence, it really shocks me and break my heart. those few sentence really take away all my emotion at that moment le. Dont know what to do after listening to what you say. Really hope to continue in waiting... :(

Maybe cause im tired or anything, but i just cried... dont ask me for the reason pls, and pls dont ask me am i ok a not.

You know that i care, you know i just can't possibly give up..
You know it's difficult and it's hurting...
You know and have the same experience...
Knowing that you know about it im really happy,
but the fact just make my heart break one more time.
BUT
the sight of you just make me happy..
the thoughts of you make me happy..
the idea of you just make me feel wonderful..
the times with you around just make life's more beautiful
everything seem so wonderful and perfect with you.
AND
i know that your heart is accupied,
i know its quite impossible,
i know you will not be mine,
i know im silly,
i know i am pathetic,
i know i am stupid,
BUT
i will wait here silently,
i will stay in this corner waiting,
i am willing to stay here waiting for that miracles,
waiting for the special day to come,
waiting for you to turn back and take a look
that there's someone behind you waiting,
there's someone else behind you, beside her who is infront of you...
that seem unreachable..

Tears just rolled down my cheek though i told myself i should not cry, i open my eyes wide open... trying to force tears back into the eyes, but it's just automatically rolled down my cheeks. My heart suddenly feel very very pain, i just feel very sad. "PEINI.. you must give up!! " though with those words in the mind, im still unwilling to let go and continue to wait. My head ask me to give up, but my heart ask me to wait.

I know i shouldn't have make the silly mistake that i have made, but i mean what i said.. i will wait silently in this corner for you to take notice and like me. And thats it, still hoping for miracles though i know it'll be very very pain and hurting. will sleep and think more about it...

Today went to lee ching's house to do IWT, end up not doing much. Hmm.. was quite crazy today.. -_-"" but anyway im still confuse and troubled, i wonder how am i going to focus on studying lar.. :'( the ice's security defence is too strong.. i just simply can't manage to know at any bits of what he is thinking.. :( Though i did say i did and wait, but who know's ?? maybe suddenly i decided to give up?? it's like he never even reply on the sms, talk to him then is like erm heck care... perhaps he is busy, then everytime i find him video cam he is always busy.. ok.. maybe he is busy again. But i just cant stop thinking about the possibility that he maybe is trying to avoid me?? im really really damn confuse now.. yes i know there is much more guys out there that is better then him, but he is just the special him.. i just like the way he is.

Some more really kind of scared tml will be a havoc in class, i really scared the whole class know about the radio thing and make fun of it. Super scared he will be irritated by it and really avoid me to the extent... anyway i know im wrong to dedicate something on the radio, i just seem to be not in the right mind when i do it. Somemore there's still one more time to go.. :( hope the second time the rest never heard and make fun of it bar.. :(

I really feel empty in the heart and at lost now.. it's like a ever ending puzzle, im not as sacrificing as someone i know for the one they like. So what should i do.. exam coming soon, know i should focus, but i just dont know how lar.. im stuck up and get a bit stress by it le.. arh..!! Hoping for miracle...

Wake up at around 2++pm, have lunch and then went to test some of the clothes my aunt give me. TEST until now then only finish a SMALL portion sia -_-"" never have any lunch today.. thought can tahan and become slimer :P Now super hungry plus going to faint le.. somemore i hungry not able to sleep, so having some biscuit now.

Just read annabel's blog, and i have this feeling to keep on waiting for him le... though it's kind of silly, but at least i will not regret. I know myself that the dareness i've done is my limit le, what i can done i have already done it. Being quiet since b4 the first iwt project, slowly being to approach, then i initiate so much.. took the first step in many things, but he still quiet. Was told by him that he have someone else in mind le, was sad.. but what else can i do?? there's nothing i can do le lar.. but i will just wait silently in the corner, waiting for the day to be discovered by him.. waiting for him to dicovere my good. Am i that not good to be accept?? hai.. dont wish to think so much le, but will wait here silently... hoping that day will come soon... :(

Later will be going to lee ching's house to do iwt, her house is at tampines lor!!! im at bukit batok, think of the distance i had to travel then sian liao.. but no choice, that's the only solution. Was quite dissappointed that he is not going tml with us.. :( but anyway told esther to ask him have dinner together after his church. :P dont know she got ask him a not and whether he say can come a not. :P really hope he can come, then i can see him *shy* kind of miss him.. but scared later after he go for his church then very tired le, then i rather him to go home rest well. Hope for miracles... :P

Oh ya, he is SO damn attractive lar.. during the chalet and the class. Dont dare to keep staring at him lor.. -_-"" if not will be very scary de... -_-"" then when i sleeping during chalet, i did open my eyes for a few time to look at him then faster close. Then somemore during one part when they watching the scary movie, i stare at the TV very close.. (cause remove contact lens le then cant see most things ) but actually i was trying for a few glance at him :P then he saw me looking at the TV, ( i was just on the bed behind him ) then he keep turn and look at me then look at the TV.. :P When i saw him with aloy so close.. how i wish i was aloy, hahaha... crazy me -_-"" then heard he was drawing some figurings... also hope is draw things that's related to me de.. :P i'm really crazy le.. -_-""

Then in the morning they use a variety of methods to wake me up, he even use the popper to wake me up sia... i'm NOT deaf lar!!! but still i act to be sleeping very soundly.. was waiting for them to JUST TAP my shoulder and ask me wake up!!! and also to wait for him to really go and have him lunch cause he was very hungry le. Then when i heard him going out and close the door then i IMMEDIATELY wake up to wash up. BUT was SUPER surprise they SUDDENLY come in.. was SUPER shock!!! then after that when i finish with wash up, heard that he actually WAITED for me to see i wanted to have breakfast also, outside silently...!! heard that he also ask them to go into the room and continue wake me up DESPITE him being so hungry at that time. Was kinda happy, but at the same time was thinking... wait for me also means nothing marh.. if another girl was to be sleeping instead of me then i think he will also wait de bah. Was sad that he actually had to be in hunger because i havent wake up :( i really didn't know he was hungry at that time de, if not i will wake up immediately de!! :'( if he "er huai" then not good le. :(

Was really very happy duing the chalet, i was even sleeping near him ( note is near and not beside hor!!!he's at the top bed, while im at the below de bed de!! ) then see him i super happy :P
Hope there's a next time of chalet thingey to have more time with him :P *shy* and really hope he will SOON like me and confess to me.. ( though i know its very difficult to happen.. :( ) Then friday in class when he act to be granny and blah blah, he was damn attractive de, especially when he was laughing SO happily... feel like huging :P but i wont de lar.. only THINK only, dont dare to really do it :P

Dedicate a song for the whole class and him, i even dedicate a message to him.. and it's super MUSHY lar.. shouldn't have dedicate that. But anyway it was nice... :P i even dedicate the same thing for the second time on 11/8/08 , going to record the full version of the recording and hear it for the second time :P

Yesterday went for cassan party at downtowneast, was planned not to stay overnight de.. but in the end change my mind and stay :P cause the time to play is just too short marh.. ( but actually is mostly because he got stay :P ) :P I not feeling well, having flu.. then never bring contact lens potion or any clothes to change but i still stay overnight leh. We chit chat and talk about a lot of things. We have some BBQ thingey too, tried to sleep after i bath and took out my contact lens.. but just seem not able to fall asleep. I only fall asleep for a while only.. :P the rest of the time was just closing the eyes trying to sleep. Heard almost on all the things they talk about, was especially taking notice about "that issues" of playing and joking. Finally morning came, they tried all the crazy methods to wake me up, though im awake and was acting to be deep in sleep. :P Was trying to see what's the weird method they can come out with. but in the end heard that someone was very hungry, thats why need to wake me up, but i swear i dont know that..!! if not i will immediately wake up de. It was super damn fun de.. and i was AGAIN night dreaming cum daydreaming lor.. -_-"" OS "DONT THINK too much lar peini..!!!"

Then we went to school for 2 hours of lesson, i sleep for the whole 1 hour plus... lame right..!! go there sleep then go home. -_-"" anyway, he was super funny when he make that so call "retarded" expression by esther. HAhaha.. but dont find it retarded lar, just find it funny. He whole night never sleep, was busy drawing something and was so call gaying with aloy leh.. :P Then he today super high sia.. haha.. shit feel like having the urge to drink beer. hai.. :P

Then i quickly went home, saw mavis and kai xuan on the mrt :P even when they go off from the mrt also want to play with "that" -_-"" seems to me the "topic" is very popular hor.. -_-"" when i reach home i eat, bath, do housework... which is iron all the clothes for the whole family and keep. Do until i sweat lor... !! then is already night time, so decided not to have a nap le, maybe night earlier go sleep :P

Welcome to my Blog. (:

*Pei Ni
*17 yrs old
*12 Feb
*Aquarius
*Hong kah primary
*Dunearn Sec
*NYP Business management
*choir and guitar

.:Food:. Japanese food, Bubble
tea, Chocolates, Sweets,
Egg, Western Food, Coffee, milk

.:Shows:. Devil Beside You,
It Started With A kiss,
Goong, They Kiss Again,
My Lucky Star, Romantic princess,
Fated to love you...

.:Colour:. Blue, Black, pink

.:Hobby:. Watch Taiwan/Korean drama
,watch TV, draw,
Listen to music/ghost story
Watch VCD/DVD

.:Things:. Stars and Moon, shiny and elegant stuff,
necklace, ear rings,
Taiwan Drama...

+ get good result in poly

+ know whats my future and who
i am in the previous life

+ Have a good, healthy, happy
and comfortable life and future

+everyone will have their happily ever after :P

+ was very preety and attractive
(all girls and woman
will wish for this de lor)

Ahern
Alfie
Annabel
Cassandra's 1st blog
Cassandra's 2nd blog
Cass(poly)
Ellina
Esther
Hayati(poly)
Hongjie
Hui Zhen
Jasmine(poly)
Joanne
Kamilah
Karol
LeeChing's album
LeeChing
Marcus
Mavis
TanPeini(NYP BM0805)
Pearly
Rujun
Sherman
Steven
Valerie
Xiao Cui
Xiao Cui(2)
Wenjie
Weili

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