hmm.. very long nv come post ler. Cause this few week very tired.. everyday work and go out with my friends tt i have just know to kbox. Tired sia.. cannot tahan, so today finally i'm off from work and dunnid to go out with my friend until around 10++ then go home lor.. the place they go is usually bugis.. then everytime when i reach home is already very late. Then the next day must wake up at 4+am to go work.
Hmm.. recently know tt west mall got this clothes offer of $5 per dress/shirt. Its super cheap lor.. even for those nice de dress and some how look like gown one also $5 dollar leh. i only buy one.. cause i scared i wear not nice mar, as im so fat.. -_-""
Ok...erm, i have been crazy in this few week.. keep talking bout handsome guys.. -_-"" i think its cause i too tired ler bar.. for being only sleep 3-4 hours a day and keep on playing and working for the rest of the day. Now not so tired ler, looking backwards.. i'm really very "Hua Chi" and SIAO lor.. -_-"" hmm... i always become crazy when i super lack of sleep... -_-"" actually i think i got a bit hate and scared of guys bar.. haha.. just think that they are devil and girls are angel.. :D so just hope my new friends can just stop bout all those matchmaking and "Hua Chi" label on me.. or i think i will start to hate the ppl they say about one me. -_-""
Hmm.. chinese new year coming soon, so is the valentine's day and MY BIRTHDAY.. :D although the no. for my birthday is quite nice.. but it's stuck between the chinese new year and valentine's day. During school days .. we usually give present to most of our friends in school on tt day.. looking backward now.. it seem to me tt its really very no sence at all. And was quite stupid also.. cause tt day not friendship day mar.. give for what, want give also give during normal daymar.. in the end spend so much money.. -_-""
hmm.. my pay going to finish soon... but i'm going to collect it on this coming monday.. :D really wish to go ice skate with my new friends.. but i think they prefer going for kbox.. :( cause all of them dunno how to skate. Actually i also dunno how to skate mar.. only know how to walk on ice only.. its good to try new things mar, just envy those ppl who is very good at skating who can skate on the ice so gracefully.. :D hai.. :D
10:22 AM
~~Peini~~
Back to post again... :D
Hmm... yesterday the friend tt i just know from my work place bring me to a place, it was said tt its just to listen to more imformation bout the camp that they are going to hold which i will be going. But when i reach there, they (the christian) were like praying for the whole 2++hours. i know i do not have any rights to say this, and was sorry bout what i will be going to say. It may offend some ppl or christian, but i really had to say this out, or i may go crazy thinking bout it everyday.
Ok here it goes, they were like holding up their both hands... praying, closing their both eyes and was crying very hard to reach out for the god they beleive tt was there along with the music. Although some may not think the same as me, but they really give a very dramatic expression and action which is same as those shows where ppl are praying to the god a few century ago. Its the scene where by the ppl will listen to whatever the god say. By seeing them, with me alone who is not a christian and not doing any praying nor anything else in the huge room surrounded by many ppl, it make me feel scared. You all may think tt i have think to much or i have just imagine too much, but the scene make me feel like im alone in the whole room...no one know my presence. And just like those religion shows, i even thought tt perhaps all of them may even kill me or torture me if their god say so or if they want to do it to offer to the god or something like this.
I become more scared, to a certain standard tt tears filled my eyes... my hand were like holding very tightly on to my skirt. Finally i can't hold on to my emotion nor the tears any more, some tears just became to rolled down my cheeks. So i try to controll the tears to show some respect to the ppl there until i reach the toilet some time later, where i finally cried out loud( she dunno bout this as i stop after coming out of the toilet). I have thought of saying all this to my tt friend who bring me here, but when she say " god is there to bring you here, you should feel fortunate". When she say this, i know i can't tell her any of this... she may be offended or even be angry bout how i feel, due to this i did not tell her the reason when she ask and its not tt i don't want to open up my feelings to her bout this praying thing. Later, they start to erm ... try to made me believe in their god or somehow. They wanted me to try sing with them, believe in their god and even accept their god praying thing, where the one in charge will cover your forehead and make you collapse and lie on the floor. The sight of this action with the eagerness and tears on their face again, make me wanted to cry again. I hold on hardly and tightly onto my 2 friend's hand which make them feel very pain,then i hide my head behind one of my friend to prevent seeing the those dramatic expression and tears while they pray and lie down. After a while , it was then i grap their hand with less force.
I can understand its their religion, and they need to do that... but pls don't change my way of thinking and belief. I'm a buddhist, and actually i don't really believe fully in god. Its just half believe half don't believe, so if they tell me bout eagerness for god... human are erm.. i think is slave or something else of god... it make me feel more uncomfortable towards everything there, and was further away from my friends.
Later they say something like what they should do towards friends, which is be willing to understand friends and be approachable. When i heard this, with the serious expression on their face... i start to think is our friendship just a emptyness inside it? is it only when their god say so then they care and be with me?? its suppose to be just pure friendship... the truthfullness towards each other from only one's heart, and not just to do it only when god say so. This make me more scared bout the whole thing. I dare not tell the stranger there, (i dont open myself in the sence of saying my true feelings to strangers) who ask me am i alright... where i just say ya although i'm not. i also dont dare to tell my tt friend too as i scared she will be angry, change the attitude towards me or will not be with me anymore. It was then after i cool down a bit, i stop thinking bout this friendship thing as i think our friendship is more stronger then all this, on top of it... they only heard this today, so b4 that until all the way they are really and will always be my friend from their heart.
im not as strong and the happy go round type as what they think of me. I'm really alright after the whole thing, but was scared again when i saw the whole gang of christian in the room just now on the road who have tears and dramatic expression on their face. (i know i have no right to commend on their way of praying.. but i'm just scared mar) None of my friends thought about this reason which make me scared again, they just thought im still scared continuously from the start. -_-""
Hmm.. was glad that they let me hold on to their hand, it let me feel my presence amoung them and feel safe. i guess i will be scared again during the camp when they do this pray thing again, just hope i can control my emotion and calm it after it was over. Hai... -_- ...
Then when i reach home, they say she bring me there to wash my brain(to ask me join to be christian and believe in their god and belief)... when i haven't even say anything bout the content of my trip there-_-"" , then i just say no and nothing much happen. hai...
4:02 PM
~~Peini~~